so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
