I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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