Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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