Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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