So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
