Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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