Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
