I smell stomach acid.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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