when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
