A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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