how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
