who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
