I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
