Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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