if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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