He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
