I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
