drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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