direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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