It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
