I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
