just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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