Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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