margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
