it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
