I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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