shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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