Soap is not a condiment
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want to make out with him forever
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
