And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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