They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
