I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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