you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
