Who wears a wallet chain?!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
