so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't deserve a penis
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
