I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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