This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Someone signed my nipple.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
