Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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