what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
