I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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