so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We had to coat check the pizza.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
