By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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