Need sex. Gaining weight.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
