Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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