Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
