Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
