It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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