What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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