His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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