i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
