I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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