I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
