Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
