so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
