Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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