dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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