Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When are your genitals available?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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