If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
