I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
