I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
